At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
