He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize