So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
