he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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