i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
my shit smells like andre
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
