Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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