I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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