Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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