I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
