I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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