How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
