no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize