This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
