I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize