she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Those nachos came to me in a dream
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
