roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
