Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize