I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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