i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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