He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
