I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
