I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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