not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
