epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
