It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize