fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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