Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
