ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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