How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
he fucked my hip out of place.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
