You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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