I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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