Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize