my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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