He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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