If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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