There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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