you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
