Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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