i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
