the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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