So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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