i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
