You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
