This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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