your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
