i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
