Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
