How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
