I cockslap morals
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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