the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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