I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
