From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
