What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
