If i come over, it means nothing
you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
