I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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