I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize