dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
