do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
