YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
