I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
