the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
