i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
