I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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