If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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