apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Operation Purity has been aborted
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
