She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
