Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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