highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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