This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize