Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
