Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
