Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize