Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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