She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
