people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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