I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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