this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
