Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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