i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
