tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
