It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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