Nicole vs. Life
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
The air was thick with penises
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
