I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
