I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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