Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
