I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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