3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
