I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize