I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
