I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize