I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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