just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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