i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
