Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I look better un-naked...
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
