That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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