is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
