and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
false alarm. still invincible.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
