Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
