I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
