I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
