I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
my being single is dangerous.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
