Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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