RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
