toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
