Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
