as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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