Your tits are I can't wait for
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
