I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
