Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
