mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
