dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
