First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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