So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
