You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He passed out mid-signature
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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